COTS  will be placed in the vestibule
 for those who say "Sunday is my only day
 for sleeping in";
 
 EYEDROPS will be available for those
 whose eyes are tired from watching TV
 late on Saturday night;
 
 We will have STEEL HELMETS for those who
 believe the roof will cave in if they show
 up for church;
 
 BLANKETS  will be furnished for those who
 complain that the church it too cold and
 FANS  for those who think it's too hot;
 
 HEARING AIDS for the parishioners who say
 "the pastor doesn't speak loud enough and
 COTTON for those who say,
 "He speaks too loud;
 
 RELATIVES  will be here  for those
 who like to visit on Sunday;
 
 TV DINNERS available for those who
 claim they can't go to Church and cook
 dinner too;
 
 One section will have TREES AND GRASS
 for those who see God
 in the nature, especially on the golf
 course or hunting lease;
 
 The sanctuary will be decorated with both
 CHRISTMAS POINSETTIAS AND EASTER LILIES
 to create a familiar environment for those
 who have never seen the church without them.
 
         SEE YOU NEXT SUNDAY!

Author Unknown